martes, 13 de mayo de 2008
homework
so, our plane fell in the desert, because something in the motor was wrong and we couldn´t fixed, the pilot tried to land as better as she could´t , i was next to her but in the moment of the land i run to the back side .. I had been a coward .. when everything finished ... the people stared to run away from the plane, because it were in fire..but soon we came back to help, in the plane were still cote looking for hurt people I ran without think to the pilot cabin and she was unconscious so I help pulled him out of the plane and out of danger.... so everything was terrible , pete was dead and the pilot hurt, we definitly have to find a way to survive , so we stared to looked around us and thanks to all the gods, we saw smoke coming out from the trees , that definity have to be people. so romina and jose went to check it, cote and pato decided to look to a close road , they promesed to us that they will come back .. so I had to take care of the pilot, staring to gave him some thing for the pain and aplying some old secrets that my grandmother had taught me. so .. for the moment we are waiting .. we still have hope ...
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1 comentario:
Very nice writing style Pilar - you really feel the tension in the moment as if you are writing it as it is happening!
Be careful with auxiliary verbs and main verbs:
we couldn´t fix it rather than "we couldn´t fixed".
Also, it was on fire instead of "it were in fire".
Try to be consistent with pronouns and tenses. Compare:
I ran without thinking to the pilot's cabin and she was unconscious so I helped pulled her out of the plane and out of danger....
with your original.
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